The Day Ali Came To Bonga-Bonga.....

there's no party without Juneeee I'll just clean up my frock and heels for the dancing

You are a fast sportsman ... ( no hee-hee !.... )

I'm there already, hee-hee!

Today is my sons 51 birthday , you are all invited to
his birthday party !!! in " miztarefet "

I've heard 'em all and could probably add some new ones. I live smack dab in the middle of redneck country.

You might be a redneck if...

That sounds like something Jeff Foxworthy would write. He's one of my favorite comedians.

There is no Louisville Sentinel. The story was written by Jeff Foxworthy in 1996.

THANK YOU,,Jignut!!!! That cracked me up.

Jignut,
that was the best laugh I have had in a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng time.
I giggle, chortled, laughed, snorked, cried and am pretty sure I would have passed cranberries through my nose had I been eating them at the time...
Thanks for sharing ☺

Oh nooo.....I seem to recall giving her a kiss.....much more personal.

And for her birthday you give her a lawn mower or an iron...riiiiight?

Well, she's already had a commode and a walker this year, so I must be careful not to spoil her......Maybe a framed (and signed) photo of myself, to sit upon the commode.......so to speak.......

Sooo...what are you buying for Mrs. B. this year...or have you hand-crafted something special? ;D

HEE-HEE!

Merry Christmas-thingy, faithless followers!

I loooooove both stories! Thanks, folks, for brightening what was not the best day ever--until now!

Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays!!

☺ ☺ ☺

Merry Christmas to all, which especially includes you JIGGEEE!

☺ ☺ ☺

P.S. The Tonight Show asked for people's embarrassing holiday stories. One guy sent in that he was late for Christmas dinner because on his way to his grandmother's house he got into a car accident IN THE McDONALD'S DRIVE-THRU!

A Christmas to remember


This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find
out who had the wildest Christmas dinners. It won first prize.

As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over his
fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill
them.

What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because
every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings overflowed, his
poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and
went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at
Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.

If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go, you'll only confuse
yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, 'What does this do?'
'You're kidding me!' 'Who would buy that?' Finally, I made it to the
inflatable doll section.

I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute
as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush
hour.

Finding what I wanted was difficult. 'Love Dolls' come in many different
models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do
things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for 'Lovable
Louise.' She was at the bottom of the price scale.

To call Louise a 'doll' took a huge leap of imagination.

On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to
life.

My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning
hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose
with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank
what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and
giggled for a couple of hours.

The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house
and left a present that had made him VERY happy, but had left the dog
confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some
more.

We all agreed that Louise should remain in her pantyhose so the rest of
the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional
Christmas dinner.

My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. 'What the
hell is that?' she asked.

My brother quickly explained, 'It's a doll.'

'Who would play with something like that?' Granny snapped.

I kept my mouth shut.

'Where are her clothes?' Granny continued.

'Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran,' Jay said, to steer her into the
dining room.

But Granny was relentless. 'Why doesn't she have any teeth?'

Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one
wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, 'Hang on Granny, hang
on!'

My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me
and said, 'Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?' I told him she was
Jay's friend.

A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise.
Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this
might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.

The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who
was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise
like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the
mantel, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the
sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and
Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.

Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.

It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to
decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had
suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.

Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to
perfect health..

I can't wait until next Christmas…..

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE.

☺ ☺ ☺

That's OK. It keeps readers alert.

Sorry Heidi, I edited and reposted.

I had to look it up, Heidi. It's a long running comedy sci-fi show in England appearing on BBC. Its fans are known as Dwarfers. Are you a Dwarfer, dearie? No matter WHAT Rimmer's ears are like they've GOT to be an improvement on the huge, hideous flapping appendages on lela's head!

I will admit to being a Dwarfer.

Never saw the series, just know of it.

Sorry. I'm fighting off a migraine.

(((Nobody remembers the first season of Red Dwarf when Rimmer wrote I AM A FISH on his engineer's exam, then passed out?)))

HMPH!

Actually, his ears were one of his better parts.

Or cuddly ears........

''I am a fish!''

Or a high IQ!

Of COURSE!! Nobody could say that Rimmer had cuteness or poise.

Erm.....yes, but he is lacking in cuteness.....and poise.....

To change the topic... lela: every time I look at that avatar of yours, the ''Rimmer Munchkin Song'' comes to mind.
(For non-Red Dwarf fans, look it up on YouTube.)

The biscuits were almost solid weevils. Don't ask about the meat.

You mean, the weevils would carry biscuits AWAY?????

sailors in the old days used to bet on biscuit races because of the weevils in them. just thought you should know

Quite right, junneee, and all I was trying to do was agree with you. We were indeed in a quandary and I'm just glad we came out with the better of our two choices. As Captain Jack Aubrey said (in the movie, if not in the book) “One must always choose the lesser of two weevils.”

actually clever comebacks are all the rage in bongaland, or used to be back at its inception

All too clearly....

See?

I see that you found it much easier to try to write a clever comeback than to refute statistics. Oh, wait! You probably agree with Trump that HE really won the popular vote, but 3 million votes were illegally cast for Clinton, which is also why he thinks that there should NOT be any recounts--love that logic....

Well, you could have, but you didn't.

"Most" Americans actually give Obama a positive rating, and "most" Americans also preferred Clinton to Trump, by over 2,500,000 votes...... (Royalty? Which one of the candidates lives in a gold-plated triplex, with gold toilet bowls?) I don't like arguing politics on Lela's puzzles, but I can't let your claims about "most" Americans go without correction.

That's true junneee, but better a scoundrel than a woman who thinks of herself as royalty. For all of this post-election back-and-forth from supporters and detractors of both candidates, in which I have participated, we know that we merely got the lesser of two evils. Far superior "U.S. presidents" are out there, but they won't come anywhere near our political process. I think most Americans want little more out of Donald Trump than to begin repairing all the damage Obama has done these last eight years.

is this as in Donald the Duck, can foreigners join in? rock and hard place sprung to mind all the way through.............

Only 19 more sleeps..

I still maintain he's ''The Donald''. He acts like he's been elected head of the Mafia, not the USA (and the vote IS being recounted in enough states to possibly overturn that) and ''The Donald'' sounds more like a bullying Mafia Godfather.

Oh?!? Wonder how...and who came up with the idea of the new TV series "The Corporation"...

Please, lela, a flamboyant businessman with conservative values is nothing at all like a fascist WWII dictator and lynchpin of the Axis powers which were out to destroy freedom throughout the world.

I go with Benito Trumpolini.

Not until January 20th...... And, even then, as long as it's a free country, and remains so (he has a rather loose grasp of the First Amendment), we can still call him The Donald.

This is very good news about the fabulous Mrs.B. lela. I hope her progress is steady, and I pray for the day she's well enough to give you a good wallop now and again. Heaven knows you need it!

Please remember, oh Heidi of the floppy clocks, it's time to stop calling him The Donald and start calling him The President (as I predicted months ago)!

Thanks to comparing him to (shudder) ''The Donald'', I now appreciate and respect our beloved leader lelabugosi a LOT more. He sure looks awesome in comparison.

Umm.....more or less.........

Giggle... Snort!! Good One!

"Rough with the smooth"...is that the same as "on the rocks" and "neat"?

Yes, as a Renowned and Beloved World Leader, one must take the rough with the smooth!

You are such a giving sort Lela...Such a sacrifice for the beloved Mrs. B ☺♥

Well, Heidi-of-the-mystical-half-beard, Mrs.B. is a fair bit better now. Even makes it to the kitchen for her morning cuppa, though still relatively unsteady on her feet. No booze for her this Christmas.......I suppose I'll just have to take her share myself!

Jeeeezzz, I should have guessed! ☺

You're a Beloved World Leader, Pat? I was asking this of the leader of Upper, Lower, Upper Upper, Lower Lower, Upper Lower, and all the other Bonga Bongan communities, (drumroll, please)................ Lelabugosi !!!!

Who, me? You mean octomom?

What's the latest on your (much) better half, O Beloved World Leader?

Thanks for the word, gemmeee! I went over and said hi, and solved her 35-piece puzzle a couple of times but could only come close to the leader board, not get on it. It's good to see her still up for Jigidi!

octomom has surfaced:

http://www.jigidi.com/jigsaw-puzzle/B63JS9SE/Ted-gets-into-the-spirit-of-Thanksgiving

thanks Patty I will look forward to it

You'd be welcome at our table next Thanksgiving, junneee!

actually I was joking

must be some American guy. Here I am ready I have brought a long spoon

Thanksgiving dinner is being set out on the table right now! Gotta go!

He was 'The Greatest'.........after Dr.A.B. of course!

never heard of him

Clay first.... then changed it to Ali.

so was the guy called Ali or Clay

My taste buds are salivating at the thought of a mound of turkey on my plate, covered with gravy, with stuffing and cranberry relish on the side. I can't wait for the triptophan coma.

SAVE THE TURKEY!

gizza bite of your turkey and don't go reading anything churchey into that request

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYBODY! TURKEY AND ALL THE FIXINGS COMING UP!

The one that got away:

http://www.jigidi.com/jigsaw-puzzle/MSG08ZP8/Frog-leaping-into-hyperspace

Love that definition, June! :-D

That first one is very nasty - using a poor, innocent frog in such a way, and luring it to is doom.
The second one will at least live to see another day......unless it lives near a French restaurant......

Forgot the other frog lela!!! :)))))))

http://www.jigidi.com/jigsaw-puzzle/J80ACEXA/22-Happy-Birthday-Sandi

.

never heard of Eurobisity either, sounds like a fat Italian

Hey lela ~ Juneee's done it again ... she's offering up a frog as a turkey for Thanksgiving!

http://www.jigidi.com/jigsaw-puzzle/MEST500W/happy-Thanksgiving

.

Now how did I know you'd say you were only joking? Easy way out. Which reminds me, you no longer have to worry about Trump being deposed--he settled the "university" suit for $25,000,000. LOL! And, having grown up on Long Island, I know a nudnik when I see him..... By the way, June said "Euroscepiticy", not "Eurobisity", and I'm sure there's a difference. I'm not sure what it is, but...... :-)))

A word I have never seen before! Congratulations junneee! My vocabalary, er vocalabary, um yeah, the number of words I know is VAST--VAST I say but Eurobisity isn't among them. I bet it's a compliment though, am I right?

I too look back to the old days when I got to go to parties in frocks and heels and the sisters were so outrageous. Mr P was A-political then too apart from his Euroscepiticy

Sheesh, what a nudnik you are. This is bugosiland, where we kid around with our tongues firmly in our cheeks! You're the only one who doesn't get it!

N.B. Nudnik is a Yiddish word for a boring pest. But you better fact-check it.

And I think that just about sums it up...........:-)

http://www.jigidi.com/jigsaw-puzzle/186HNOJG/Meet-the-New-F-L-O-T-U-S

http://www.jigidi.com/jigsaw-puzzle/8T2ZJ8WG/45th-President-of-the-USA-Trump

http://www.jigidi.com/jigsaw-puzzle/VC8DRJRV/Trump-Newsweek-Nov-2016

Just 3 examples of the political discussions that patsquire doesn't get involved with, because he holds himself above all that.....

:-)

That's true, however I myself don't get involved in the political discussions. I hold myself above all that.

Well, I've found them to be very tolerant, especially with regards to people ignoring the rules (politics etc.).....

Yes, I see and I understand it, too. In fact, Jigidi is starting to wane in general. Internal systems are a little haywire and not being fixed. Things don't exactly work the same one day as they did the day before. TPTB are probably getting bored or maybe it isn't the gold mine they had hoped it would be. They have no business sense at all, just a couple of egotistical European engineers who never listen to anybody, and take suggestions as criticism, and they can't tolerate criticism.

Dunno............Just isn't much interest anymore.

HUMPH yourself, when are we gonna get another puzzle?

GENTLY squeeze the tadpoles, Mr.Squirt. GENTLY SQUEEZE........There is a difference......HMPH!

SAVE THE FROGS?!? BUT SQUASH THE TADPOLES?!?

SAVE THE FROGS!

Frog Legs Friday approaches Lela B...protect them well ;0)